


Pains

by park3rborn



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Consensual Mind Reading, Drugged Kylo Ren, Evil Space Husbands, Fluff, I don't know crap about hospitals, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylux - Freeform, Love Confessions, M/M, Medical, Mentions of torturing Rey, Pain, Painkillers, Post-Canon, Post-Movie(s), Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Self-Denial, especially space hospitals, force mind reading, sleepless emotional outpourings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-10 14:25:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5589559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/park3rborn/pseuds/park3rborn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuing after The Force Awakens, Kylo is picked up by Hux during the retreat and refuses to get proper treatment. Hux convinces him to take his pain medication and decides a drugged Kylo is safe enough to admit some feelings to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pains

**Author's Note:**

> I change between Ren and Ben for Ben Solo- Ren is when he is perceived as Kylo Ren (ie, when he's being an asshole) and Ben is when he's more vulnerable.

Ben was fed up. Exhausted, angered, and sore, beaten by an undisciplined desert rat on his own territory. It was fucking pathetic.  

He refused pain medication after coming to, and instead lay in the medical bay in silent agony. He would never show it, his pain, but his heart monitor would betray him from time to time, right before he fell asleep, usually, it would skyrocket as his control slipped, then level out at an elevated level as he slept. The IV remained in his arm for fluids, but the medical droids insisted on giving him a remote in case he wanted painkillers. He considered it a test of his own mental strength and was determined not to fail.

Why did Hux have to be the one to find him? He hated him for it. He hated every time he thought about his encounters with Rey and how she ruined him. He especially hated whenever he recalled snippets of Hux, finding him mostly unconscious, blood and sweat and anger and melted snow and dirt. He damned himself for being so exposed, without his helmet, so visible and open to anyone’s passing gaze. He very quietly, even in his own mind, cursed Snoke for sending Hux to retrieve him. He knew Snoke would be more than disappointed when he finally broke the radio silence between he and his apprentice. Maybe he was letting him heal so he could destroy him himself. Physically, at least.

Hux already hated him, he knew. They had too much competition between each other for Snoke’s admiration to form any true bonds. Hux probably was gloating to Snoke how great he was in comparison to Kylo Ren; Hux was always safe, always looked put together, always had himself under control. He hated him for that. Hux didn’t need to be calm, didn’t need to be level-headed. He was a general, already at the top, and he was a good one, too. Ben was nothing compared to the ginger, he knew it, Hux knew it, and he was sure that Snoke knew it. Hux’s devotion to the Dark Side was absolute, religious, unwavering. It was infuriating that someone could be so devoted to something they could never fully grasp and never experienced. Ben yearned for such absolute discipline in himself.

After a day, or maybe within a few hours of his arrival, he had difficulty distinguishing time, he asked a droid what was being pumped into his arm. The droid responded that nothing vital was going through the IV. He had received an emergency transfusion upon arrival and had been hooked up with fluids. Since then, he was conscious and could eat and drink, and his levels were stabilizing well.

            “Why leave it in, then?” he asked, involuntarily sucking in air as he slowly lifted himself up into a sitting position.

            “General Hux’s orders, sir,” the med droid responded.

            “Hux’s --?”

            “He insisted that you be allowed to self-administer pain medication,” the droid explained, and trundled out of the room.

Ben’s eyes narrowed he tried to wrap his brain around what the droid had said, tugging at the healing skin on his face. He stared blankly at the sheet over his body. He was so focused trying to comprehend through the fog of pain, he didn’t hear the clicking of boots and the shutting of the door until Hux’s shadow crossed his bed. He twisted to look at him, gritting his teeth as his stitches pulled in disagreement, and looked up into cold blue eyes. Hux’s brows furrowed with—concern? Ben tried to focus, tried to read Hux, but it was too chaotic between himself, his surroundings, and the general, so instead he settled on a displeased, uninterested look.

            “Have you been taking your medicine?” Hux asked, glancing across the bed at the untouched bag of medicine. Ben replied with a dry grunt. “You really shouldn’t… you should take it,” Hux said, keeping his eyes above Ben, on the med bag.

            “I don’t need it,” Ben said coolly, forcing himself to look Hux in the face. He hated being seen without his mask. Where was his mask? Where did he leave it? He couldn’t just summon up a new one—

            “Your pupils are dilated and you’re more unfocused than usual,” Hux stated, suddenly very close to Ben’s face. Ben moved himself farther away from Hux, feeling nervous in such a vulnerable state.

            “Why the hell are you here?” Ben demanded.

            “You need to take your pain medicine,” Hux repeated, backing up to walk around the bed to the side that had the table that Ben had laid the remote on when he first received it. Ben let himself sink down in the bed, suddenly very aware of his weakness and the needle in his arm. Hux had the remote, he held the one thing Ben could control in the situation. Ben closed his eyes and fought to not rip out the IV, freeing himself.

            “Ren,” Hux said softly, back on the right side of the bed. “Here.”

Ben turned his head, more gently this time, to see a pale, lightly freckled hand proffering the remote to him as one would offer a blaster, button closest to Ben himself than Hux. It was almost comforting. He stared at the remote, not moving to take it, and he heard the older man sigh above him. Hux dragged a chair to the bedside and sat down, biting his lip.

            “You have no idea the trouble I go through for you,” Hux sighed out, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

            “I don’t need your babysitting,” Ben spit out, moving his gaze to the plain ceiling. His side pulsed angrily as he got more worked up. God damn that Wookie. His head ached, too, but he was pretty sure that was because of Hux.

            “You’re reckless,” he said carefully, “You take too many risks.”

Ben laughed, a quiet laugh to avoid agitating his side, “You’re just saying that because you’re worried I’ll surpass you.”

Hux shook his head, “You’re being foolish. Take your damn painkillers before you kill yourself.”

            “I’m fine.”

            “Ren, please.” Hux’s tone hinted at desperation. “Snoke will not see you like this. You’re no good to… to him if you’re spending half of your energy pretending you’re fine. Please take it.” Hux placed the remote into Ben’s hand; Ben, with a face of distaste, pushed the button. Almost immediately he could feel it dripping into his bloodstream, bringing with it a sense of easiness Ben could never find in meditation alone.

            “Happy?” he asked, eyelids getting heavier by the second.

Hux visibly relaxed, “Yes.” He carefully watched Ben as the medication kicked in, watching the relief wash over his counterpart. He had no particular love for Ren. He was unpredictable and chaotic, and his tantrums cost the Order almost as much as replacing equipment destroyed in battle. Despite his flaws, Hux recognized the usefulness of the now drugged man. He held a lot of potential in that rage. If he could learn to control it, Hux felt that he could overcome any enemy, physical or mental. But he was as unforgiving with himself as others, something Hux had dealt with prior to becoming a general. Hux found Ren’s methods of self-control and discipline counterproductive. It was no use letting yourself physically deteriorate, he’d discovered personally. It made you visibly weak and look foolish, not strong.

            “There’s a difference between being disciplined and just beating yourself into the ground,” Hux thought aloud. Ben showed no signs of understanding; his eyes were glazed and he was drifting in between waking and sleeping. Hux felt he was safe to say anything at this point. “You can’t correct your mistakes if you kill yourself, you idiot.” Ben turned his head, dark hair shifting over his face and lifted his hand as if to argue. “There’s better ways to improve yourself, you know. You don’t have to do this to yourself, Ben.”

            “-ux,” Ben said groggily, palm open. Hux was confused, until an invisible force pulled his hand weakly towards the bed. He blushed furiously and took Ben’s hand, fingers interlacing. Ben’s palm was warm and rough, unlike his own unworked and cold hands. Small burn marks scattered across Ben’s hand and wrist, possibly from his lightsaber, which even Hux knew was unstable and dangerous.

            “Hux,” Ben repeated slowly, trying to make eye contact. “My helmet?” Hux chuckled softly and cautiously ran his thumb across the top of Ben’s hand.

            “It’s in my room. I have it.”

            “Here?”

            “No, not in here.”

            “Oh,” Ben sounded upset.

            “You can have it when you feel better, okay?” Hux naturally adopted a more childish tone to suit Ben’s current amount of brainpower. “It’ll be safe in my room.”

            “Okay. Thank you…” Hux nodded, assuming he meant for keeping the helmet safe. The helmet was too expensive to replace and held too much value to Kylo Ren to leave behind, so Hux had assured it made the retreat off of the base. He specifically sent some stormtroopers to sweep the wreckage of the oscillator. He was a little confused as Ben continued, “Thank you for… putting up with me.” Ben laughed, but his knitted eyebrows showed his distress. “I’m… sorry I destroy our ship. I am…” he frowned, trying to formulate the end of the sentence. “I am… an asshole.”

Hux shushed him, “You can become better,” he assured.

            “How?”

            “We can practice together. When you’re better. We can practice focusing the energy into something more productive.”

Ben closed his eyes and laid back down in the bed, “That’ll help.” His breathing deepened and the heart rate monitor slowed as he fell asleep, giving into the narcotic effects.

Hux studied Ben’s face, still holding his hand. He was glad he had commanded no one enter while he was in the room with Kylo Ren, or there would be explaining to do, holding the hand of his competition while he slept. Kylo Ren’s face, to Hux, was the helmet, shiny, dark, and like a solid wall between them. When they were working, he was Ren, Snoke’s apprentice. But here, in such a private situation, this was Ben, the conflicted young man, human.

He watched Ben now, sleeping quietly. He looked like hell. The damn Wookie did a number on him, and Hux hadn't asked who gave him the lightsaber cuts. He suspected it was the desert girl, at least. He would kill her if Snoke had no need for her, he promised himself. He would torture her, starve her, keep her alive for months, maybe years. If she seemed a threat he would simply have her killed- he wouldn't make that mistake again- but he hoped she would live long enough to satisfy his lust for revenge. Ben was breathing evenly, hair messy and stuck to parts of his face from sweat. Hux gingerly extracted his fingers from Ben's long ones, sighing a little at the loss of contact. He tucked his loose hairs behind his ears, and experimentally threaded his fingers through Ben's thick dark hair. Ben made a small noise and shifted but didn't wake. A smile teased at Hux's lips. He was adorable, Hux thought. If Ben was awake and reading his mind, he probably would have hit him. But it was true, especially in such a state. His long, dark eyelashes were stark against the contrast of pale skin, covering the dark circles from his lack of proper sleeping habits. He only took up half of the bed in width, but almost was off of the bed in length. He was thin, but strong, Hux had discovered this for himself before he became a general during a sparring match with him.

            “You know, you’re much nicer on drugs,” Hux observed amusedly. He nervously rubbed his lips together, considering his surroundings. He had the security cameras and audio turned off for the comfort of Ben. He hated being recorded, especially without his helmet. No one was to come in, and if someone did need him, his comm link was on. “You scared the hell out of me, when you ran off,” he admitted. “I, ahm,” he cleared his throat nervously, running a hand through his ginger hair. “I wasn’t sure if you’d make it back. And it took ages to find your ass. It’s a good thing you wear black, or I might not have found you at all.” He blinked back tears angrily, and rested his forehead on the cool metal safety rail of the cot. “You’re so irresponsible. You haven’t a damn clue what you do to me when you’re out of my hands. It’s hell.”

He was exhausted. He hadn’t slept since the attack on the starkiller base. He had the chance to sleep once Ben’s blood transfusion was over with. He was stable, and the flight protocols had been followed, so there was no particular reason he shouldn’t have slept. Captain Phasma was more than capable of handling the ship by herself. However, Hux was too nervous that Ben would wake up and destroy the ship by accident or some other crisis would happen while he was asleep. He couldn’t have it both ways, so he chose to stay awake and keep watch over the fleet.

Hux woke up to an ache in his neck and a prickling sensation in the back of his head. He realized he was upright in the chair he had pulled up a few hours ago, and somehow a blanket was draped over him. He wondered if someone had come in, against his orders—

            “I did it,” Ben spoke up from his bed.

Normally, Hux would have demanded him to get out of his head, but it wasn’t quite a full intrusion. Ben’s mental presence was more of a shadow than a heavy weight. And after that emotional outpouring, it was kind of nice to have him so close. Deeper in his mind, he hoped Ben hadn’t heard anything he had said. It was embarrassing enough that he had let himself slip alone. It must have been his lack of sleep.

            “Come here.” Ben used the Force to tug gently at Hux’s sleeves. Hux wasn’t sure if Ben was messing with him, or if he had taken another dosage and this was a drug-addled Ben, but he stood up and moved to the bed regardless, folding the sheet out of habit. Ben was sitting up in bed, propped up by pillows. His hair was poofed up in the back from the pillow, but his dark circles had faded and more color was in his cheeks.

            “You seem to be feeling better,” Hux noted. Ben nodded in agreement.

            “Sleeping was… beneficial.”

            “Did you take another dose?”

            “Yes.”

            “Good.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Hux shifted his weight and examined the floor. “Is there anything else you need from me?”

            “What happened last night?”

Hux started, “What—what do you mean?”

Ben half-shrugged, still stiff, “I woke up and found you snoring on the railing.”

            “It’s exhausting having to put up with you constantly, what can I say?”

 _What happened?_ Ben’s voice echoed inside of his head. It wasn’t a command; it was more of a quiet curiosity. Hux sighed and pulled the chair back up to the bed, sitting down. He sat very still, letting Ben gently poke around in his mind, goosebumps raising on his arms as he felt the other man pick between memories.

            “Tell me if you don’t want me to do this,” Ben said, uncharacteristically kind.

            “I’m fine,” Hux replied shortly. It was a risky move, letting him in, but he felt it was better Ben find out now versus later by force. He passively observed Ben’s face as he probed through various recent memories, gripping his own knees nervously. Ben’s dark eyebrows raised in curiosity as he saw last night from the ginger’s perspective. Hux held his breath uncomfortably until he felt Ben leave.

            “General Hux?” Ben said, changing over to his Kylo Ren tone. Hux winced and stood up, straight and formal.

            Kylo Ren?” he returned.

            “Come.”

Hux hated being treated like a dog, but he was in no emotional position to argue. He took the two steps back to Ren’s bedside and waited. Ren motioned with his hand for him to come closer, and he leaned over the rail, stifling an eye roll. Ren looked into Hux’s blue eyes, studying him for a moment. Then, in a quick, deft movement, pulled Hux down towards him, pressing a kiss to the other’s lips. Hux made a pleasantly surprised sound and returned the kiss. Pupils blown, Ben pulled back with a smirk.

            “What was that?” Hux asked, lips red.

            “What you wanted, correct?”

            “We can’t speak of this to anyone.”.

            “Naturally.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am trash for these two.


End file.
